With you, I will leave.

Well, here I am, sitting on my own bed in my own room in my own house. Everything is either carpeted or hardwood floor. The culture is too big for everyone but at the same time it feels empty... ...like the too-big streets that hold all the spacious cars. I'm back home, and Rome is once again 8 hours away from me... or, rather, I am the one who is 8 hours away from the eternal city -- I am the one who left, after all.

I thought that my previous entry would be my last one in this blog, but then my last night in Rome took place and things changed. Eric and Marina took us all on a final walk around town, in the same exact route that we took on our first night. It was like walking backwards -- felt like I was erasing my footprints. My friends and I were presented with an official goodbye from Rome in the form of a random, anonymous street performer on our way to Giolitti. I didn't think it could be possible to make me feel even more torn than I had already been throughout the week. But it happened. My heart was wrenched out of my chest as I silently stood in Piazza Navona.....listening....

Quando sono solo

sogno all'orizzonte

e mancan le parole,

sì lo so che non c'è luce

in una stanza quando manca il sole,

se non ci sei tu con me, con me.

Su le finestre

mostra a tutti il mio cuore

che hai acceso,

chiudi dentro me

la luce che

hai incontrato per strada.

Con te partirò.

Paesi che non ho mai

veduto e vissuto con te,

adesso sì li vivrò,

con te partirò

su navi per mari

che, io lo so,

no, no, non esistono più,

con te io li vivrò....

Quando sei lontana

sogno all'orizzonte

e mancan le parole,

e io sì lo so

che sei con me, con me

tu mia luna tu sei qui con me,

mio sole tu sei qui con me,

con me, con me, con me.

Con te partirò.

Paesi che non ho mai

veduto e vissuto con te,

adesso sì li vivrò,

con te partirò

su navi per mari

che, io lo so,

no, no, non esistono più,

con te io li rivivrò.

Con te partirò

su navi per mari

che, io lo so,

no, no, non esistono più,

con te io li rivivrò.

Con te partirò.

Io con te!

I knew, beforehand, that the English title is "Time To Say Goodbye," so hearing the introduction to the music made me teary-eyed to begin with. Now that I understand Italian much better than I did in January, I looked up the lyrics and translated what I could. Here's what I think it means:

When I am alone,

I dream on the horizon

and words fail.

Yes, I know that there is no light

in a room when the sun is gone,

if you are not with me, with me.

In the windows

show to everyone my heart

that you lit.

Close inside me

the light that

you met on the street.

I will leave with you.

Countries that I have never

seen or visited with you,

now, yes, they will live.

I will leave with you

on ships for the seas,

that, I know,

No, no, don't exist anymore.

I will live them with you.

When you are far away,

I dream on the horizon

and words fail,

And I, yes, I know

that you are with me, with me.

You, my moon, you are here with me.

My sun, you are here with me,

with me, with me, with me.

I will leave with you.

Countries that I have never

seen or visited with you,

now, yes, they will live.

I will leave with you

on ships across seas

that, I know,

No, no, don't exist anymore.

I will live them again with you.

I will leave with you

on ships for the seas

that, I know,

No, no, don't exist anymore.

I will live them again with you.

I will leave with you.

I am with you!

That night, I walked around Rome with my friends even after Eric and Marina parted. When we all came back to the apartments, I didn't sleep. I finished packing and listened to music. I'd made myself forget about the tenor in the piazza, until my iTunes library started playing Andrea Bocelli's original rendition.

I sat there and cried, because I hadn't before then and I knew it was coming.

And then I finished packing,

took a shower,

donated a good amount of my clothes,

threw away everything else,

handed in my keys,

walked out the door,

got on the shuttle,

got to the airport,

got on the plane,

and set foot in Philadelphia.

Things happen too quickly these days; it's difficult to adjust, sometimes.

Although, what can I say? It's true -- it was time to say goodbye.

But part of Rome left with me.

And I'm happy about that.

A single heartbeat.

If a blog wasn't required of me this semester, I would have one anyway.

These past months have been the kind that I simply couldn't pass up documenting. There's just too much to remember; to me, this is a futile attempt to keep everything. It won't happen, no matter how much I write. I could take all the volcanic ash from Mount Vesuvius that I can hold in my bag; I could keep every single paper that I've ever used this semester; I could take videos every day of sitting in studio, talking with the old man in the courtyard, or walking around the musical streets of the city. But it's impossible for me to share with you all the memories I've added to the library in my mind that makes me who I am and who I've become.

Also, that would make a hoarder out of me ---

But really,

I can honestly say that choosing to study abroad has been the best decision I've ever made throughout all of my years in school. From travelling every three weeks, going places I wouldn't be able to visit even if I travelled on my own or with a group of friends, and learning about everything we see rather than looking around with the vision of camera-lens tourists, I've taken much more out of this semester than I ever have before.

If you're in the same place I was last year (you've been ranked in the top 20 and, after thinking about costs, you're on the fence about going through with this and so you're reading other students' blogs to see how their experiences were)..... do it. Don't doubt yourself. Do it. It's worth more than I could tell you. If I could live this semester again, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Buona Pasqua, tutti!

Happy Easter, everyone! It is Easter Monday in Rome and the birds are singing outside of my open window. It's overcast outside, and will look like this for the rest of the week... I would've liked to go to Ostia Lido one last time and spent a sunny day at the beach. Perhaps the clouds will let up later in the day and I'll get to go.

For now, here's what I've been up to.

Last Wednesday

Final jury day! Nobody's project was perfect, but nobody's ever really is, just as they're never truly finished. Our assignment sparked an interesting debate among the jurors about what contemporary architecture is as compared to modern architecture, what kind of designs would be deemed appropriate, and which materials to use, among limitless other topics that branch off of each other. While I'm concerned about my grade, I'm actually not all that worried. I know that in the long run, the grade isn't the most important thing; it's the topic of the conversation. What is modern architecture? Contemporary architecture? When does restoration become reconstruction, and is it ever right to recreate something in the same material as the original? What is the purpose of the project? What were we even doing? What is it that makes "good architecture" good architecture, and what makes it "bad"? What is architecture, and what is so confusing about it that gets five practicing architects questioning each other?

When I was in my first year, I remember hearing all the time that every decision made has to have an underlying reason and/or motive. And how architects must be well-rounded in many other subjects such as philosophy, sociology, psychology, anthropology, history, science, literature, music, mathematics...you name it. They weren't kidding.

Holy Thursday

I spent half of the day on Tiber Island, people-watching and listening to music, and reading about Casa Malaparte.

Good Friday

Ventured out to the beach at Ostia Lido by myself to clear my mind, spent a memorable evening in Parco della Musica to hear Rome's symphony orchestra and chorus perform Mozart's "Requiem."

Holy Saturday

Didn't attend Easter Vigil Mass at St. Peter's Basilica because I felt sick. :(

Easter Sunday

Did attend Mass with Speer at St. John Lateran. It was beautiful in all senses. After we came back, he and I made our way to Villa Ada with Coxe to have a picnic. The largest park in Rome, it was so fun to explore new grounds and see families enjoying themselves. The clouds parted for most of the day, taking a break from overcast skies to join in the celebration of Christ's Resurrection.

Past and Present Facades

I can almost count the remaining number of days on both of my hands. Tomorrow will mark the beginning of the solemn 10-day countdown.

--------------------------------


Tomorrow is final jury! I am currently taking a break from stippling for 8.5 hours -- a relatively short amount of time, in my opinion, compared to the 12+ hours that I put into a project in my first year.


Project 3 has been an interesting exercise specifically because I never thought to do this myself: take a facade and redesign it with a more modern-day mindset. Without necessarily studying the floor plan, context, etc., there is already much to think about. Geometry, proportions, scale, and patterns that were already implemented in the original facade start to emerge and dictate the modern scheme. The design was already there.

I wonder what that would look like, if all buildings had different versions of their facades. The same building in different periods.... That could probably work both ways for many projects: what would a modern apartment's facade look like if it was designed in the 16th century? How would the architect's ideas come to be realized back then?

Mixed Feelings

I'm sitting in the back room of studio, looking out at Campo de Fiori, listening to the constant hum of conversation and music. And I can see into someone's window. It's their dining room; the family is having dinner together. Dessert, I guess I should say. There are a lot of wine bottles in the middle of the table, and raucous laughter fills the air that doesn't reach me. One of the windows above gives me a view of someone in their living room, reading a book on a couch. So quiet, even though my line of vision is interrupted by sound waves from Campo.

Off in the background, I see tables set up outside of a restaurant in one of the streets, not even three doors away from these apartments. It's so strange to see this; I sometimes forget that there's such a thing as an intimate family setting in Rome. I've never experienced it.

I do miss the family setting, though. My own family, of course.

----

Project 3 has just about reached its midway point, with Part II of III being due on Thursday afternoon. First, we carefully reproduced a palazzo facade. Now, we're in the analytical stage: by just looking at the facade, we must sketch on our boards, on site, and also use other media. Ideally, we would visit our sites since most of these palazzi are existing. My particular building, Palazzo Borghese (not Villa), is still the family's home and is not open to the public. Usually. Once in a while, they may open their doors and allow visitors to enter the courtyard and select rooms. Unfortunately, today was not my day. So here I am, sitting in the back room of studio, looking at my rendered facade, using it as a basis.

And blogging...

Half of my board is filled at this point. I would like to be further than this, because I see this part of the project as a sketchbook page. But my sketchbook pages aren't even 1/4 the size of this sheet, so I find myself hesitating to draw bigger.

I need to learn sometime, though, right...?

---------

About one more month to go. I have mixed feelings about the end of this semester.

and when i'm gone...

please speak well of me. - the weepies

i've been away

a year and a day.

you recognized love

after the fact.

you did what you did,

and that was that.

don't say words that you don't mean.

and when i'm gone, please speak well of me.

looking back now,

i only wish i had been kinder.

did i ever know love?

and could i have been blinder?

don't say words that you don't mean.

and when i'm gone, please speak well of me.

don't hold back all your love,

or someday.....

i would say that i'm sorry

if it would do any good.

but to never regret

means you have to forget,

and i don't think that i could.

don't say words that you don't mean.

and when i'm gone...

please. speak well of me.